#okay you cannot fathom my creys here #you cannot even imagine #the way his voice broke when he said it #it was just like #all the times he’s been called useless in his life and they all finally caught up with him #because ‘merlin you idiot’ is kind of like a catchphrase around the castle and usually he lets it all roll off him but now #now it actually matters #because now he almost died #and if he had he would have died being useless stupid idiot merlin and no one would ever know all that he’s done #all he wants to do is protect arthur and he came so close to failing #oh shit fuck damn the dam is open here come my tears
